It has been a challenging week thus far. I feel like I am emotionally and physically drained from running from patient to patient and merely trying to keep up with the crazy world of medicine. To say that school has been challenging since Kevin died is definitely an understatement. I know that he is right there with me, cheering me on and telling me it's all going to be worth it in the end...but it is so much harder without him here to say that to me on earth. I did get a wonderful dragonfly sign today...a day that has definitely been one of the hardest. I was on the brink of a nervous breakdown when the receptionist/medical assistant from the office bent over just enough that I could see a beautiful dragonfly tattoo on her side. I immediately felt at peace that he would help me through the rest of the day. The breakdown came when I was on my way home and I needed more than a dragonfly...I needed him.

I know I will have these days...it's only been 8 months!! But it is still defeating and draining on every level. I feel like it will get better the closer it gets to summer. When I can get home before it gets dark outside and take a short drive to the ocean and let the waves calm me down. I miss golfing. I miss going to the driving range and hitting a ball as hard as I can and not caring what happens to it. I miss the fresh summer air. I know there will come a day when I don't think about not coming home to Kevin after a long hard day at work...but those days are not here yet.