It's hard to remember what my life was like before Kevin died anymore, what my normal used to be.  I would give anything in the world to have that normal back again.  It's raining today.  I hate rainy days.  They are so gloomy and depressing.  I miss Kevin enough and being outside is sometimes the only thing that can lift my spirits. When it's raining I have to settle for being indoors and starring at a grey, cloudy sky. Kevin loved to be outdoors also.  I think that's part of the reason he liked being a firefighter so much, because his job was outdoors and physical.  He hated sitting around.  I started reading a book called "I Wasn't Ready To Say Goodbye" by Brook Noel and Pamela Blair. I would recommend this book to anyone who has lost a loved one so suddenly. An excerpt from the Introduction that I read today was inspiring that slowly time will change my grief and I may begin to like what my normal is again.

After losing someone we love, we begin again. We learn how to take courageous baby steps, how to walk and talk, how to dream different dreams, how to trust again, and how to create life anew while honoring the past. We are forever changed. We see life differently. More than anyone else, we understand the value of each minute, we understand the importance of saying what needs to be said today, we understand what is truly important.