Kevin knew I really needed him today. This morning was rough. I didn't want to get out of bed and I had a flood of emotions that was pushing me down. It was a day I just wanted to curl up and not deal with anything. Then...I got a knock on the door from the UPS man. It was a beautiful dragonfly necklace sent to me by a very special person (thank you Merideth!). It was like he was telling me to get up and go to school. With finals next week I really couldn't afford to replace studying with crying so I stopped, showered, and went to class. I felt it was him telling me I need to get through this last week and a half...one last push. It rained all day and I was still feeling low...just something I couldn't shake, but at least I was able to get up and study.

Tonight was my Christmas party for my support group so it was nice to have a little break from studying to be around people who really understand what the upcoming holidays bring. I left feeling very sad about what Christmas will be like without him and how I really wish I could just hide under a rock until the end of February. When I got home I had two packages and a card in the mail. One was a dragonfly necklace I bought for Kevin's niece, another was a dragonfly bookmark his sister sent me in a card, and the third was a children's book I bought for my niece, cousin, and Kevin's nieces and nephew about dragonflys.

I'm not sure what they chances of all four of these dragonfly symbols arriving on the same day...a day when I really, really needed them is, but it has to be slim to none. I feel like some of the shock is wearing off and the intense reality is setting in now. This day was like one from the beginning, I really needed these dragonfly's and I truly believe Kevin knew that I would today.