To say these last two weeks have been emotional would be an understatement. To say I've been sad, depressed, happy, excited, full of grief, full of energy...well...bipolar, would be more accurate.


August 8th I should be expecting flowers, cards, gifts...something in the mail from my husband. Because that would be our third wedding anniversary. Instead...August 18th I will be spreading my husband's ashes in the same place that his grandfather's were spread many years ago. So instead of a wonderful, happy, exciting, "leather anniversary" (apparently the third anniversary is supposed to be leather gifts), I will be spreading my husband's ashes that currently lay in a wooden urn.

So that is the reason these past few weeks have been...difficult to say the least.

Tonight I had some drinks with a very good friend...one who has been through what I am going through and just "gets it." It was very nice to bounce the insaneness of my life right now off someone who just completely understands how insane life really is. As I was driving home a song by Leona Lewis came on and I just lost it...big surprise considering I have been losing it alot these last few weeks. The song was "Better in Time." It was one of those songs that is obviously about a big, fat, sad break up...but some of the lyrics still apply to what widow/ers go through. Lost love, it gets better, yada, yada, yada, etc, etc.

After the song was over I started to come out of my cry coma when something else stopped my heart and made me dial the number of a fellow widow I met at Camp Widow East in April. She's the author of the blog I mentioned in my last post.

Anyway...my radio was tuned into Delilah ...the romantic radio personality that I normally despise but just happened to stay tuned for the moment. The next caller is what provoked me to dial Cassie's number. He said:

"This is Kevin, I just wanted to let my wife know that I love her very much. There were some circumstances beyond our control and we can't be together right now. We met 5 years ago (Kevin and I met 5 years ago) and I have loved her ever since. I want her to know that I am always with her, and she will always be the love of my life."

I'm not kidding, this really happened...whether it was a coincidence, or whatever...my heart is still beating fast and hard from this. It made me cry, laugh, and smile all at the same time. My heart wept and lept at the same time. I instantly knew I had to return to Camp Widow West.  I felt at home for the first time after Kevin died at Camp Widow East and I knew I needed to return. It is next weekend, just in time. I made the plane tickets and registered the instant I got home.

San Diego Widows, here I come. I need you more than ever and I know you will not disappoint!