Me

The nights are starting to turn cold again. This is definitely a sharp reminder of the cold I endured last year. The sun started to go down earlier and earlier, and I cared less and less about being outside. Now I am so much more aware of my surroundings, the weather, the dates...I don't want the sun to go down so early. I actually like being outside and seeing light. Last year I could have cared less if the sun ever rose, or for that matter, if it ever set. I didn't care about anything.

I feel like I am becoming myself more and more everyday. Everything that I used to mourn for about myself is starting to take surface. It started with my real laugh and smile. It has grown to my interests. I actually like working out again. I like grocery shopping, making a good meal, hiking...I like being me again. It is hard that I have to be me by myself, though.  I have said several times that I am a different me, however, a more insightful, patient, and intuitive me.

The life I have built for myself now is so drastically different than the life I had imagined 14 months ago. It is bigger. It has no boundaries. And I also know it is temporary. It can all fall apart tomorrow, and I'm actually okay with that. I know that no matter what future I have built for myself is only a figment of my imagination, and therefore, I am not attached to it. Maybe that is a sad adaptation to life, but I learned the extremely hard way that once you get attached to a future that cannot be anymore, it takes alot of digging yourself out of a deep, dark hell to find a new one.

As for right now, I am happy to be finally able to plan for a new future, look forward to fall and winter, and anticipate more and more of the old me meshing with the new me.