Tomorrow is the last day of my surgery rotation. It is also the last time I will move until it's homeward bound to Idaho in April. My last three rotations are in Manchester so I will finally be able to fully unload my car for the first time in about 8 months. I had a great rotation and only had the surgery sweats twice! I actually enjoyed this rotation much more than I thought I would so that was a pleasant surprise.

The last couple days I have been thrown back into the pit. I don't know why, I can't put my finger on the where the intense feelings of anger and sadness are coming from and that makes it even worse. Maybe it was because of the hurricane, or that I am moving for the last time, or that I just watched Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (a very powerfully sad and inspirational movie). Maybe it's because I have stuffed so much so deep that I couldn't contain it anymore. I feel like I have so much that I need to talk about, but I only want to talk about it with him. He's the only person on this earth that knew me better than myself. He knew my crazy. He knew my illogical rationale. But most of all, he knew me wholly and completely. I just miss that so damn much that it is impossible to contain. 

Sometimes I feel like I have made such immense progress and I am proud of where I am. That hasn't gone away, I am still proud...but the grief waves still come crashing done with such power that I can hardly breathe. It is times like this when I miss my "tragedy family." My "tragedy family" are a collection of friends and family scattered throughout the country who have experienced a pain so deep that they never thought life could or would be good again.  I know they get it, I know they will understand the wave that I am talking about. I know they will understand that even though it's been 16 months, it is still intense and it is still incredibly hard.