Today....was a good day!! I have definitely been in need of one the last couple weeks, especially last week. I was beginning to wonder what a good day felt like and finally....it feels like this.
It all started with the first patient I got to see. It was a hand laceration, simple, no crazy curvy lines or bones sticking out. And I got to suture it!! No big deal for people who have been doing this forever, but a very big deal for me...because it was my first time. My 3rd day on emergency medicine and I absolutely love it. I may not love it by the end of 5 weeks...but for now I love it. It is fast paced, it is ALL interesting to me...and my preceptors are all very awesome to work with.
Now back to the day. So I was on a post-suture high with a goofy perma smile and I just wanted another laceration to come through the door so I could say "Oh don't worry doc, I got this." After my high wore off a little I got a sharp pain of sadness that hit me out of nowhere. The reason? I can't tell Kevin. I couldn't send him a quick text and tell him how incredible it was.
And then I saw it...my first dragonfly of the day. It was on a nurses scrubs just staring strait at me as tears were welling up and almost ready to fall. The smile came back. The high was back. I knew he was there, I knew he saw, and I knew he was telling me how proud of me he was.
So the day went on, I had a few other interesting patients, but no more lacerations. As I was sitting in the charting room talking with my preceptor a nurse walked in and had a dragonfly necklace on...I just stared and finally I said..."I really like your dragonfly necklace," and showed her the one I was wearing (see post from Dec. 7th). She then showed me the dragonfly tattoo on her side. My preceptor looked a little funny and told me how she loved dragonfly's and proceeded to show me her dragonfly tattoo on her shoulder...I'm really not joking. The tattoo also said:
"Je vois que vous, et votre belle âme" which is French for "I see you, and your beautiful soul."
I almost lost it, it literally took every ounce of strength to hold my tears in. If I hadn't been in the middle of the emergency department with doctors, nurses, and patients surrounding us...it would have been like the middle of one of the Oprah episodes when she just tells some homeless person that she's going to give them a million dollars. But I kept it in. The preceptor could tell something was up so I told her that dragonfly's have a very special meaning to me and I would have to tell her at a different time so I didn't flood the room out with my tears at that point.
As the day went on one of my patients had an orthopedic issue that was going to need physical therapy. The physical therapist had evaluated the patient and suggested...Dragonfly Therapy. No, again, I'm not kidding. Dragonfly therapy is a physical therapy facility in Bangor, ME. My preceptor was in the room when this happened and she also commented on how bizarre it was that all these dragonfly's just suddenly popped up today.
The rest of the day was great. I had this feeling of peace that I knew he was there...just like he has been the whole time. After I left I went to the grocery store to pick some stuff up for dinner and I had another dragonfly encounter. My out of date GPS had taken me to 3 grocery stores that were no longer grocery stores and finally I looked on my iPhone. It took me to the only grocery store that I didn't want to go to (due to bad produce and sketchy meats) and since it had been a long day and I was hungry I went in anyway. As I passed the bakery I just happened to look down at the cakes. And what did I see? Yup, a picture of a dragonfly on a cake.
I know to some who don't believe in signs...especially from the dead...you could chalk all these up to coincidence....but my dragonfly's do not come everyday...they come on very bad days, very good days, and very important days. This was a very good, and important day for me and he knew he had to shower me with gifts somehow. I do have a couple pictures but due to my vagabond, living partially out of my car situation...my iPhone adapter is currently misplaced. Once I locate it, I will post a few pictures.
I miss you and love you more everyday babe.
No comments:
Post a Comment