I decided it was time for a change. The old blog template was what I created a month after Kevin died because I didn't know what else to do. I had no motivation, creativity, or will to live. I started this blog for the sole purpose of informing my friends and family on the West that I was "ok" and still here. At times I refused to answer calls...and even when I did, I was either crying or severely depressed. The blog...for me...became much more than that. It was an outlet for my grief and a way to write down that yes...I sometimes I did have a good day and it was okay to tell the world that even in the depths of complete darkness...sometimes a flicker of light is all that is needed to restore hope of more good days to come.

Very early on (within days) I began researching the widowed community and found that unfortunately there is a large group of us who did not choose the life we now live...it was chosen for us. However, through the pain, suffering, and complete heartache...we have found a way through it all. We are all in this together, we are all here for each other no matter what.

A widow/widower is not just someone who is legally married to someone of the opposite sex. They are someone who suffers a profound loss of a person they loved unconditionally and vowed to spend the rest of their lives with. The people who carry the badge of widow/widower are not always married, they may not even had the opportunity to be engaged yet. They may be gay, strait, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, etc, etc, etc.  No matter what the circumstance, the outcome is still the same. We lost the love of our life.

Though I am a member of the widowed club...I am also a member of a group that has many, many more members. The group that has experienced a loss so great, their entire foundation of being was shaken to the core.  We are all around. We are the wife/husband staring into space at the stop light because the divorce papers were final today. We are the father of 6 who is weeping in Wal Mart because he just lost his job and does not know how he will provide for his family. We are the new mother of a beautiful baby that was just told she has stage IV breast cancer. We are the crabby old man in the grocery store that just lost his wife of 60 years. We are the rebellious 10 year old that lost her dad a year ago when he was serving in Iraq. We are the teenager who hides behind tattoos and earrings because his best friend died in a car accident and he cannot yet deal with his pain. We are the mother who refuses to hold your baby because she just buried hers.

More than anything I have realized that there are people all around who understand how painful it is for me to see a newlywed couple, a glowing pregnant mother, or a even flowers sent to someone by their adoring husband.  My eyes have been opened in a way that I wish had never happened, but always wished had been. I am so blessed to have the people in my life and the opportunity to experience each and every day...the good ones, and the bad ones...because not everyone gets that opportunity.