I finally had a good day yesterday.  It felt like an accomplishment because it had been so long since I have had a good day.  Today was an okay day, which is great considering what bad days are like sometimes.  I have taken up golfing as a way to get out of my apartment and feel like I am in control.  Don't get me wrong, I am still terrible, but at least for the hour that I am at the driving range I feel like a semi-normal human.  I even bought golf clubs.  Financial decisions have been somewhat of a struggle because Kevin and I always made every decision together.  Anything over 50$ was considered a big purchase due to our limited budget and we would have to talk about whether or not the purchase was necessary.  Golf clubs would have definitely been on the "not necessary" list when he was here, but I felt like it was something I needed to buy, like a gift for going through this.  I know he was there smiling at me and saying "it's okay to buy them...you deserve them."  I always feel better when I am outside and doing something and golfing makes me feel closer to him because he liked to do it so much.  I just wish we would have had more time to golf together.  The picture is from the first time we went golfing together.  It was such a fun day and I remember feeling like I had finally found someone that I can be myself around and feel completely comfortable.