It's only Tuesday, but this week has already been on the upside compared to last week.  I have been wanting to find a church or even just a pastor to talk to since I have been back and it has been somewhat of an inner struggle to go to a place of God.  I felt like yesterday morning was my breaking point and instead of meeting friends for coffee like I had planned, I drove to a Lutheran church and met with the pastor.  It was where I needed to be. I know alot of people have trouble with accepting "God's plan" and I have had my share feelings of that since Kevin died.  He was way to young and had way too much life in him for this to be "God's plan." I do, however, believe that God wants us to be happy and I know more than anything, Kevin wants me to be happy and find joy in life again. There was something in the Wildland Firefighter Foundation newsletter this fall that really struck me. I want to honor Kevin everyday and sometimes I struggle with how to do that.  This really hit home and I hope those who read this will also continue to honor him:

TO HONOR YOU,
    I get up every day and take a breath and start another day without you in it.

TO HONOR YOU,
   I laugh and love with those who knew your smile and the way your eyes twinkled with mischief
  and secret knowledge.

TO HONOR YOU,
   I listen to the music you would have liked and sing it at the top of my lungs, with the windows
  rolled down.

TO HONOR YOU,
  I take chances, say what I feel, hold nothing back, risk making a fool of myself, dance every dance.

You were my life, my heart, my gift of love from the very highest source.  So every day,  I vow to
make a difference, share a smile, live, laugh, and love.  Now I live for us both, so all I do, I do to honor you.
                                                                            -TCF Atlanta Online Sharing